Archive for April, 2012

a day of liberation

I wrote this the day after Christmas, just two weeks after Myles Hamby asked me to marry him.  Here I am now, two weeks away from actually marrying him…

Laying here in bed, praying a bit and pondering how




The world says marriage means you are


tied down.

The world proclaims that “love” without covenant is the free life.  It’s a scam.  Sure you are free – free to

have your heart broken over and over

become numb and hard

take care of yourself

be selfish forever, and thereby self-destruct

muster up courage every day to believe in yourself

acquire STDs

worry about unwanted pregnancies.

When I think about marrying Myles, I think that marriage sounds like


My wedding day will be

a day of liberation.

This past year I have been more seriously committed to one person than I ever have in my whole life.  It has been

the most

freeing year


I have been liberated to fully enjoy the things I love most

like running, because I have someone to run with

like cooking, because I have someone to enjoy what I create

like writing, because I have someone who cares about every word I write

I have run more often, and run harder because of Myles.

I have cooked with more excellence, and enjoyed it more because of Myles.

I have written more creatively, and with freedom because of Myles.

I have been liberated to most fully be myself

to rescue girls in trouble, because I have someone to protect me

to mother orphans, because I have someone to be a father to them

to love lost people, because I someone to care with me

to pray for strangers, because I am with someone with more faith than I have

to be beautiful, because I have some to cherish and guard my beauty

to dream big, because there is someone who believes in me more than I do

to be silly, because there is someone to laugh

to weep and weep hard, because there is someone to hold me.

Crying hard by myself is too painful.  But when there is someone to hold me, I can let my pain run outside of me.

My second week of being friends with Myles, I was describing him and our friendship to a woman I love and trust.  She said,

“If one can slay a thousand, two can slay ten thousand.”

I am liberated to swing my sword

and do more than just survive.

I am liberated to conquer.

To win.

When I marry Myles I will be liberated even more

to love with every ounce of passion, with no holding back for fear this might not last

to experience sexual pleasure with someone who will still be there in the morning

who will still be there in 50 years

to be a mother, full of confidence, because my children will have a good father.

I am not naive.  I know that choosing covenant is dying to myself for a lifetime.  I know that when I choose marriage, I hand over the right to my own body, the right to my own time, the right to my own priorities.

And I know that when I choose the Perfect Love of God to be my own, I die a death.  But I die to rise again to new life.  I die to resurrect.

Marriage is an echo.  It’s a shadow of things to come.  A symbol of a Perfectly Loving God taking unto Himself a people in faithfulness forever.

Marriage is resurrection.  It is death of one way of living, and abundant life to a new way.

When I covenanted my life to God’s,

or rather when I responded to His covenant to me,

I surrendered my right to my own life.

And I was liberated

to enjoy my runs, because of God’s joyful presence ran with me

to enjoy cooking creatively, because the Originator of All Food became my Friend

to write with passion, because of Love in my bones

to love hard, because I tasted Love myself

to weep, because I have a Comforter

to laugh, with true joy

to rescue, because I have been rescued

to live a life bigger than myself, because I have Eternity in my chest

to mother, because I have a Good Father and so my children can too

to experience intimacy with Someone I can trust to be Faithful Forever

to win, because all things have been conquered by Him.

I feel free because



I am free because

I do not have to protect myself

and survive on my own.

Love is

“protecting and providing for that which has been given to you as a privilege.”

I am treated as a privilege by Myles

and by my Lord.

I am protected.

I am cared for.


And I step forward into more and more freedom.  With my God and with my husband-to-be.

The more I surrender myself, the more freedom I am able to experience.  The more of my rights I hand over, the more goodness I have access to.

It is an upside down kingdom.

It is a kingdom that cannot be shaken.



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